Modern society really needs to get its act together when it comes to attending parties.
It’s really not hard. Someone invites you to something, all you have to do to is to decide whether or not you are going and then - this is the part where many people today slip up - just stick to what you said you would do.
But no, that seems too hard for us these days. Instead, we have found all manner of ways to respond to an invite by annoying the person who invited us.
These are just six of the most common. See if you recognise any of them.
1. The Chronically Late
What he’ll say: “Sorry ah running late! 15 mins.”
What he’s doing: Chilling at home randomly surfing the web until 10 minutes before the meeting time.
The Chronically Late is the most common of all Antisocial Friends, and it’s likely that every friend group will have one (or two) of these tardy chaps.
He’s the one who turns up for every meeting late with a half-hearted apology, but secretly doesn’t think it’s that bad to make people wait. It’s normal that by the time he turns up for dinner, everyone is already halfway through their meal.
The Chronically Late friend takes even more leeway in groups. When you meet him alone, expect him to be half an hour behind schedule; if you’re meeting in a group, this can stretch into hours.
It doesn’t help that he also likely has a terrible sense of direction. It’s so bad that when you ask him where he is, he'll tell you that he's "on the way" even though he's at home, or "parking the car" even thought he's in the middle of the PIE.
2. The Flaker
What she’ll say: “I gotta stay back late to do some work, I don’t think I can make dinner today.”
What she’s doing: Going home to sleep.
The Flaker is characterized by last-minute cancellations. She might message to cancel the day before, or an hour before, but the bottom line is that she never sticks to the plan.
There is a whole variety of excuses that a Flaker can give. If she wants to be convincing, she can spin a story about a mean boss at work or major family emergency. But if she’s feeling a little lazy, it’ll be the usual half-past-six excuse: “Not feeling well.”
While novice Flakers cancel outright, professional Flakers know that the best way to wriggle out of something while still being polite is to reschedule: “Hey, can we meet up next week instead?”
Just don’t expect them to turn up then either.
3. The Reverse Flaker
What he’ll say: “Sorry, I won’t be able to make it”
What he’ll do: Show up anyway, forcing you to make last minute alterations to your reservation.
Almost as annoying as the Flaker, the Reverse Flaker up-ends well laid plans by suddenly turning up to an event that he previously rejected. He’s said no, someone else has been invited to fill the space, yet now everyone is forced to awkwardly make room for him.
The irony here is that, all too often, the Reverse Flaker is doing this to you because he has been the victim of a Flaker.
4. The Commitment Phobe
What she’ll say: “I’ll come if I’m free, see how.”
What she’ll do: Hold out for a better offer.
A close relative of the Flaker, the Commitment Phobe will refuse to give a hard yes or no, opting instead for something like “I’ll drop by if I’m free!” or the variant “I should be free”.
What this usually translates to is: “I will come if I can drag my lazy ass outta bed” or “I will turn up if nothing else better comes along”.
While such a half-assed response is arguably less disruptive than agreeing and cancelling at the last moment, it’s still not cool by our standards.
5. The Show Face
What he’ll say: “Sorry, can’t stay long. I need to go home to feed my dog.”
What he’s doing: Making himself feel better by turning up.
The Show Face friend is easy to spot. He arrives on time, sticks around for half-an-hour, then leaves.
He gets all the benefits of a guilt-free evening and a few photo opportunities, without having to stay for any real conversations or activities.
While this can be relatively harmless in a group setting, encountering a Show Face friend when it’s just the two of you is definitely frustrating. What do you mean I travelled from Jurong to Orchard just to hang out for 30 minutes?
6. The Ghoster
What he’ll say: “See you there at 7pm!”
What he’ll do: ABANDON THE FRIENDSHIP.
This is the ultimate form of the Antisocial Friend.
He says he’s free, everyone sets a time and place to meet, but on the day itself, he goes AWOL. When you try calling him, no response. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. No text, no explanation.
I mean, if you do this, why are we even friends?